Find Out What is a Toxic Relationship
First, you are ready for the same day marriage and you can’t imagine your life without your beloved, then, all of sudden, you notice that something has gone wrong. People meet, fall in love with each other, and decide to stay together forever. Still, not all couples can boast a “Happy ever after”. Some of them understand that they have a toxic marriage. But let’s not jump to conclusions and avoid keeping to current trends to post sad toxic relationship quotes on your Instagram or Facebook page. First, you need to understand what does toxic mean in a relationship and what signs it has.
Toxic Relationship Meaning
A toxic marriage is a condition of a relationship that is full of unhealthy physical, emotional, and mental issues. Step by step, they are grown into bigger problems and make people feel absolutely unhappy. Many red flags go hand in hand with a toxic marriage. Adultery, all kinds of abuse, desertion, and other stuff like this tells that your marriage is seeing difficult times. If you feel that you can’t cope with this situation and always feel negative, then you are recommended to discover toxic traits in a relationship and understand whether you have exactly this problem, and above all, what to do next.
10 Signs of a Toxic Relationship
If you are in a toxic relationship, then, perhaps you already suspect it. However, it is better to find out toxic marriage signs to understand the situation better. Only then, you can decide how to fix a toxic relationship or just leave it.
1. Readiness to cheat on a spouse
The first sign that your marriage is in trouble is the readiness to date other people and even cheat on your spouse. Moreover, the situation is going pretty complicated if another person feels the same. You can find out more about cheating wife, and analyze the behavior of your partner. Actually, the same is true about the general social circle. If one person doesn’t want to include a spouse in it and tries to hide new acquaintances, it is also a bad sign. All in all, any issues with cheating mean that you should act urgently in case you want to save your marriage.
| Read more: She Doesn’t Love You Anymore: Warning Signs
2. Constant feeling of depression
If you notice that you feel depressed and worried all the time, then it means you should stop and stare. It is important to realize that every new day, this hole is going to become bigger. Therefore, it can be called a sign of toxicity. Soon, you stop sleeping well and start to feel exhausted. A lack of energy, constant irritation, and absence of good rest – all this worsens a person’s state of health and often leads to real depression. Some people decide to talk to friends, while others schedule an appointment with the therapist. In any case, you should understand that healthy relationships work the opposite.
3. Support at another side
Your spouse is the main person in your life who is ready to share all happy and sad moments with you. But if this connection is broken, you start to seek support from other people. Sometimes, it serves a reason for cheating. Simply put, you are more willing to discuss marriage problems with somebody else, rather than sit and communicate with the partner. Moreover, it doesn’t refer only to relationship difficulties, but personal issues as well. The absence of desire to share things that worry you or make you happy is an important toxic sign.
4. Full responsibility for kids
It is okay if one spouse spends more time with children due to definite reasons. Still, it is not good if you take responsibility for kids always. After all, you should solve all related issues together. For example, school, extra activities, nutrition, physical state, etc. If your partner always says that you are a bad parent and at the same time doesn’t pay attention to own kids, then it is a sign that you are in a toxic relationship. Constant blames on imagined and real things mean that something has gone wrong.
5. Total control
Some people have toxic traits and you can understand it in case you feel a constant control. In this case, your partner tries to know everything about you and your activities. He/she doesn’t respect your personal borders, checks your phone, and gets angry when you decide to meet friends. Even if you behave like a good student, such a person will find the reasons to accuse you of something. As a result, a constant feeling of suspicion doesn’t leave you even for a minute.
6. Absence of comfort
If you prefer to be somewhere else instead of staying at home, it means you do not feel relaxed and safe there. In this case, you are ready to go away when you have such an opportunity. Agree that home is the place where you should feel well, and when everything is opposite, you can’t say that you are in a happy relationship. A huge toxic wall is between you two.
7. Constant fights
Quarrels are one of signs your marriage is over. A toxic environment drives partners to start big fights even from small issues. Simply put, you can argue about household chores and end up with the reasons to live under the same roof. In most cases, you even do not remember how the conflict started. As a result, you both feel exhausted for a long time, back to previous insults, and distract from really important things like work, kids, personal development, etc.
8. Low self-esteem
When two people always blame each other and quarrel, it is difficult to have good self-worth actually. Even small imperfections that appealed to your partner at the beginning of your relationship, grow into huge drawbacks. The worst thing is when the person starts to discuss features of your character while arguing, saying words that will remain in your memory for a long time or even forever. Such word snowballs end up with a total destroying of your self-esteem and enhancing will require a lot of time.
9. Plenty of “One chance”
Many modern psychologists are sure that there is only one way on how to fix a relationship. You need to tell your partner everything that you are not satisfied with and want to change. If the spouse ignores it at least once, there is no sense to give one more chance, as nothing will surely change. Most toxic marriages are based on such an approach. One person promises to change definite things and easily breaks own promises. Every time, the result is all the same.
10. Bodily assault
It is last but the most evident sign of toxic relationship. When a partner starts to inflict injuries on you, it means he/she can’t control own emotions, and let’s face the truth, he/she doesn’t care about your feelings. As a result, you stop feeling safe and all the time are wondering about the reasons. It should be stated that in North Korea, physical dating abuse became one of the top reasons for arrests in 2019, according to Statista. In most cases, victims of bodily assault are sure that it is their fault. However, despite what and how you say – nobody has the right to behave like that.
Can a Broken Marriage Be Repaired?
If yesterday you said “I hate my wife” and today you are wondering whether it is possible to fix a relationship, then the answer is “Yes” and “No”. It all depends. Still, if you want to do it, then you need to take a few steps to improve the situation:
1. Realize that your marriage is toxic. Look through all the above-mentioned signs and analyze the situation. Once you accept all circumstances and stop ignoring problems – you are one step closer to your final purpose.
2. Discuss everything with your partner. There is no sense in exploring how to fix a broken relationship if another person is completely satisfied with the situation and is sure that you are crazy to think like that. Only teamwork will pay off.
There are a few more things that signal that you should act urgently:
How to Leave a Toxic Relationship?
In case you understand that there are no suitable options for you on how to fix a broken marriage, you should end this relationship and back to normal life. The bad news is that we can’t provide you with a universal and effective piece of advice on how to get out of a toxic relationship. Some people overcome such situations easier than others. They just pack their suitcases and leave at the most unexpected moment. Therefore, everything depends on your personality, current feelings, and the type of your relationship.
Get ready that the hardest part of this battle will take place in your head. From the moment you understand that your marriage is toxic to the very day you accept the decision to leave, you are going to live the whole little life.
Of course, you can keep blaming the partner or the circumstances, but after all, what is the sense in doing it? Instead, you should sit and work out the plan. How are you going to care about yourself and your kids if you have, where are you going to live, who you can reach for emotional support, etc? Understanding what and how to do will let you feel more confident about your own decision.
This is when you should be pretty careful. Toxic partners often start to suspect something, meaning that they may try to stop you. In worst cases, he/she may take kids away, pummel you mercilessly, etc. Other options include giving one more promise to change things or blaming you again and again. If you do not want to lose your balance and change your life for the better, it is highly recommended to watch all your words and actions, and silently disappear when you have everything ready for this.
How to Back to Normal After Toxic Relationship?
Get ready that the recovery process will take some time. Usually, the person is expected to go through different stages and experience various emotions like shame, depression, loneliness, self-doubt, anger, etc. At this moment, it is not recommended to think about meeting a foreigner or somebody from your area. Instead, you can take a pause and stay alone, meet your friends, travel, try new hobbies, attend a therapist, or do anything that can distract you, help cope with emotions, and show that life is too short to waste it on a toxic relationship. Only after feeling the necessity to meet and learn closer to another person, you can join a good dating website and start a new paragraph of your life story. There are so many people who will accept you, your way of life, and will be glad to share all moments with you. Sometimes, we do not realize that a simple registration on a dating website can significantly change our tomorrow.
Can a toxic marriage be fixed? Yes, it can, if both partners are aware of available problems and are ready to overcome them hand in hand. That’s why, you should learn signs of toxic relationships first, analyze the situation and make the final decision. If you decide to improve things, then mind tips on how to save my marriage, and discuss everything with your spouse. In case, you are too exhausted and have no reasons to keep putting up with the situation, just leave. Yes, it will be the most difficult decision in your life, but soon, you will understand that it was also the most right one. After all, it is important to listen to your heart and act in a way not to regret about lost opportunities in the very end. Give yourself time and try to keep positive in every situation no matter how difficult it is right now.
Mike Hickman is one of the best psychologists in New York. Thanks to working with people who face different problems in relationships, he knows well how to help potential partners build a strong connection, and how to let couples keep the fire despite routine issues. Here you can find efficient pieces of advice based not only on theoretical knowledge but Mike’s professional practice.