A lot of people who have been involved in marriage experience occasional intimate affairs or no sexual relationships at all. This is what the specialists call a sexless marriage or a marital union without intimate connections. According to the sexless marriage statistics and Quora digests, 20% of families have sexual intercourse less than 10 times per year. 7% of married couples in the US don’t experience intimacy at all. So, what to do about a sexless marriage? If this question pops up in your mind, the following article will be useful for you. Discover the possible dangers of marriages without intimacy and effective solutions to change your sexual life for the better.
Sexless Marriage Definition and Its Possible Dangers
Once people get committed to marriage, their life changes to the tiniest detail. Aside from sharing their personal space with another person, their life becomes full of responsibilities that often affect intimacy drastically. However, family life without affection and physical interaction may result in negative outcomes. So, what are the dangers of a sexless marriage? Here are examples of downsides the lack of intimacy may lead to.
Lack of self-worth
Some people who are involved in relationships without sex have low self-esteem. They often experience a lack of confidence, which has a negative impact on their quality of life in general. Those individuals who suffer from an insufficient level of self-esteem often make mistakes in their relationships and let their partners down. Unfortunately, low self-worth hides the major danger to marriages and overall personality development.
Increased level of stress
Sexless life may result in an increased level of anxiety and stress in both partners. However, male representatives are more vulnerable to depression. When a couple postpones sexual intercourse for a long time, most probably, the mental health of both partners will deteriorate from overcrowding of negative thoughts and the lack of endorphin release which often leads to stress. This is the case where you need to learn how to be a better lover and change things in order to prevent severe depressive conditions. A sincere talk with your partner could be the first step.
Feeling of isolation
While the lack of sex affects men in terms of mental health, what a sexless marriage does to a woman? When the partners don’t fulfill each other’s sexual needs, they are likely to feel lonely. The situation may be even worse if one of the partners is rejected. Unworthiness, frustration, and self-isolation — these are just a few emotions a sexless couple may experience. Especially it refers to female representatives. In this case, many people consider that sharing their feelings is senseless, so they become more closed and reserved.
Physical health issues
Life without sex can result in serious issues with health. Men may experience problems with lower urinary tract symptoms and prostate, while women can have problems with their vaginas. If ladies don’t experience intercourse, it may influence their periods which can lead to more negative consequences in the long run. Moreover, the lack of activity in the bedroom can affect the immune system.
Snapping of emotional strings
It goes without saying that emotional safety is essential for both males and females. Your problems in life may take root from the bedroom life. While going through the sexless marriage quiz, people may experience emotional swings and irritation. Therefore, it may have a negative impact not only on family life but also career and other life aspects. The lack of sex and extreme emotions can cause broken heart syndrome which may be extremely dangerous.
How to Fix Sexless Marriage?
How do you deal with a sexless married life? If you want to refresh your marriage and make it work for you, you will need to fine-tune it for sure. Those who are ready to work with the emotional and physical aspects of their marriage will certainly achieve success in this matter. There are the following advantages of fixing the sexless marriage. Some of them include:
- Boosted confidence
- Emotional stability
- Vibrant memories and a positive outlook on life
- Improved health (both physical and mental)
- Improving the quality of life
With the following tips, you can create a plan for making your marriage flow in the right direction.
Refresh your commitment
Can sexless marriages survive? Of course, but only if both partners do their best to refresh their commitment. This implies the hard work of both parties every single day, so be ready to put in much effort. Starting from mutual understanding and ending with compliments and pretty little things — the relationship repair may consist of multiple factors.
Perhaps, the process of remanaging your bonds requires a professional approach. In this case, you will need the help of a family psychologist. The partners should understand that by overcoming the possible challenges in their marriage, they can find new opportunities for the growth of their relationships and a better future. Once you find a way to turn your conflict into a deep connection, both of you will win, especially when it comes to intimacy.
Here are some tricks that will help you create a new start for your love affairs:
- Try to put your partner in your shoes, regardless of your life situation.
- Shower your significant other with compliments to improve their self-worth and demonstrate their significance.
- Ask questions during the conversations. Therefore, you will showcase your interest to your partner.
- Dedicate your time to family. Remember what it is like to organize night movies or do the same activities.
- Be ready to repeat the above-mentioned actions every day to make your relationships more consequent.
Take time for detoxing
When should you walk away from a sexless marriage? The first sign that you should do something with your relationships is when you see that they became toxic. In this case, it is advisable to initiate the process of detoxification. Start with getting rid of shaming, blaming, finger-pointing, and telling offensive words. Outbursts of anger undermine the partners’ love and trust in each other.
Rather than focusing on your irritation and anger, think about how your partner feels when you blame or say something unpleasant. Ignoring the offenses isn’t an option as well. If you feel frustrated after another relationship battle, you will need to talk to your partner immediately. When you put the feelings of your partner first, you will better understand their needs, so it will be easier to find the problem and then fix it.
Express appreciation
If such thoughts as “My sexless marriage is killing me” are still popping up in your mind, you will need to reinforce the positive behavior in your family. The most proven method to do it is to demonstrate your appreciation towards your partner. Just demonstrate to your significant other what you like in their character, appearance, and behavior. Focus on the best traits and demonstrate that you value every single effort.
No less essential is eye contact. When you communicate and look into each other’s eyes, you become closer. Thus, you will create an invisible connection with your partner that may result in the revival of your affection. Remember, that your task is not only to start making sex again but also to increase the level of passion in your bonds and make your intimacy better than ever.
Organize date nights occasionally
One of the best ways to spice up sexless marriage is to organize a date night with your spouse. Whether you have been married for 2 or 30 years, you will need to devote time to your couple, your relationships, and your physical interaction. Aside from jazzing up your everyday routine, real dates will allow you to enjoy each other and emphasize the significance of both partners.
If you want to make your dates truly memorable, incorporate a roleplay. It is possible to recreate your first date or act like strangers — the choice is yours and everything depends on your desires and expectations. It would be great if you continue roleplaying in bed. This will help you abstract from previous experiences and create a new story of love and passion.
Be honest with each other
What to do if you are in a sexless marriage? If there are powerful feelings between you two and you still love each other, you will definitely overcome all the obstacles in your relationship. Consider the lack of sex as a temporary barrier to your ideal marriage which requires an effective solution. And the proven things that can help you are demonstrating your sincere feelings and caring about your sweetheart.
It is possible to ask your partner to create a list of the behaviors they like and prefer to avoid. You will need to create the same list as well. Therefore, you can analyze your mistakes and look at your actions from an absolutely new angle. Both of you can get a fresh perspective on your relationships and come to a consensus. This will help you find the cornerstone of your marriage problem and return intimacy to the scene.
Plan a sex date
While organizing romantic dates is great, you will need to assign the date of your sex night after the major break. Thus, you can prepare for the session beforehand in order not to appear in an awkward situation. Nevertheless, it is advisable not to return to old-school dates and so familiar positions. Be creative and try something new, though you will definitely need to discuss all the positive novelties with your partner.
Foreplay is essential. You can continue the concept of roleplay or just do your best to raise interest in your partner. Nobody knows your spouse better than you, so it is only up to you how you diversify your sex date. You can visit a sex shop beforehand or buy the panties for each other — your sex success depends on your kinky dreams and preferences. Don’t forget to compliment your lover during the session. It will boost the confidence and make the intimate moments more memorable.
Final Thoughts
If you have no idea what to do about a sexless marriage, you will need to start with a recreation of your love affairs. Your feelings define your relationships, and only you and your partner know how to change your intimate life for the better. The cornerstone of returning vibrant sex moments to your marriage is demonstrating mutual understanding and appreciation. Once you apply the above-mentioned tips to your strategy of returning intimacy, you will definitely see the difference. Don’t delay your sexual satisfaction and happiness and take action right away.
Greetings! My name is Grace Mitchell. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist based in LA. While having vast experience in the relationship sphere, I worked with numerous couples, including international ones. I know all the nuances and possible obstacles to happiness that numerous people face when trying to create rapport.
Great article! It has a lot of helpful tips to help improve relationships in a sexless marriage. I especially liked the tips on how to create an emotional connection and establish communication between partners. In addition, the author stressed the importance of understanding and respecting each other’s feelings, which is essential for any healthy marriage. Thank you so much for such an informative and practical article!
What should I do if I know the reason why there is no passion in our family? And this reason is in me, after five years I realized that my wife is not interesting enough to me. But I love her, I don’t want to leave.
It takes a lot of courage to admit that the reason there is no passion in your family lies within you. It can be tough to realize that the person you love may not be as interesting to you as they once were, but it’s important to address the issue instead of ignoring it. It’s commendable that you don’t want to leave your wife, but it’s also important to consider her feelings and make sure that she is still happy in the relationship as well.
One thing you could try is finding new ways to connect with your wife and reignite your interest in her. Perhaps you could plan a surprise date night or take up a new hobby together. Communication is also key – talk to your wife about your feelings in a respectful and understanding manner, and ask her how she feels about the relationship. It’s possible that she may be feeling the same way, or she may have suggestions on how to improve the situation.